I thank all those who supported the motion, the authors of the booklet “Through Our Eyes”, which is the product of kinship carers who took part in a creative writing course, and all kinship carers in Midlothian—many of whom are here—and across Scotland. Without them, many children would be without the love, support and guidance that are essential to childhood.
As at 31 July 2014, there were more than 15,500 looked-after children. From 2013, there has been a decrease, but that gives an indication of the number of families who are affected.
I want to focus away from figures and statistics and on the impact on the carers as described in “Through Our Eyes”. The best thing that I can do is read extracts from it. I will start with a passage entitled, “Where Do I Begin?”. We are told:
“Life, as we knew it, changed and ‘normal’ routine became a series of meetings, Core Groups, Looked After Children Reviews, Children’s Hearings and Child Protection. Jargon such as parallel planning, rehabilitation and Section 11 Residency Order was commonplace at the meetings.
It was presumed that I understood the purpose of each different meeting, presumed that I understood Social Work terminology, presumed that I would make myself available for every meeting and for Social Work visits, presumed that I was coping fine. I cannot count the number of times I was told I was ‘doing a great job’. I was not in control of my life anymore!”
It continues, under the heading, “And Life Went On”:
“Now we are almost 8 years down the line I cannot imagine what my life would be like if I were not raising my grandson.”
It goes on to say:
“Was it the life I would have chosen? - NO WAY!
Would I ever change it? - NO WAY!”
Another extract called “I Don’t Want This”, reads:
“Well, my family are fine, strong and supportive we will deal with this, but I don’t want this. This mess that wasn’t my making. I could start at the very beginning and tell you about my daughter and her ‘problem’ or I could tell you about the hell of living with a drug addict, I could call ‘him’, the father, any vile name I could think of but this is not about them, and I will not make it about them. But I don’t want this!
This is about my grandson and about adoption; about him being adopted, this can’t be happening.”
Another one called “Our Precious Grandchildren”, which is about a court battle, reads:
“We went to court again and it was Dad against Mum. The judge told us it was only those that mattered who could stay, we told him that we had been looking after our grandchildren for the last year. The judge then told us we matter, at last we could have our say.
Mum said her piece, Dad said his and then we were able to speak. Our son was asked what he had to offer his children, he said ‘Discipline’. We were asked the same question, we replied, ‘Love’. Shortly after the hearing we were allowed to take the children away for a 3 week holiday to Canada. When we were there we found out we had won the case and could keep the children with us. It was a further 6 years after the court case that we found out we had section 11 and had Parental Rights and Responsibility. At last we could stop worrying about someone coming and taking away our Precious Grandchildren.”
Another story called “Life Changes”, which is from grandparents who take care of two granddaughters and a great grandson. The writer gives us a typical day, which some will recognise from their parenting:
“7.00am Up, wash, shave and have a cuppa
7.30am Waken up eldest granddaughter for school
7.45am Waken up great grandson and dress him
7.55am Take granddaughter round to bus stop then home
8.00am Waken up my wife and help her if needed
8.15am Waken up my other granddaughter
8.30am Take great grandson to school then home
9.00am Make sure other granddaughter is ready for taxi to school
9.15am Check on my wife to make sure she is okay”.
The rest of the day is all organised around the children. He goes on:
“My days are not what I imagined they would be like at this stage of my life. It is exhausting at times and sometimes I feel my life is no longer my own. But when I think back, I remember I was working so hard when my own children were growing up, I missed a lot. Now that I have my grandchildren, it’s like having a second chance. I can now honestly say I enjoy our lives together and truly love seeing them develop into our next generation.”
Those are all stories from the heart. Some of them tell, as many will recognise, of sons or daughters who become drug addicts or have relationships with drug addicts and the children who go to the grandparents are often quite damaged and traumatised. These are grandparents who were looking at a different stage of their life. Some of them had to sell their house and some of them had to give up jobs, but not one of them thought that they would turn their back on the children.
We do to some extent take those people for granted. I do not mean that we mean to take them for granted, but the thing about this book, “Through Our Eyes”, which I found extremely moving, is that there is guilt; there are people who wish for a time when they did not have that life but would now never change it; and there are people who were thrown into the situation when they thought that their life was going to take a different tack but would never have turned their back on their grandchildren.
A story entitled “Now” says:
“I have been a Kinship Carer for 15 years, but we had our Grandchildren a year before that ... Over the years I have heard so many things that have been done to ... Grandparents and the children through alcohol and drugs. But with all the things that happen to us, and against us, as Grandparents, we all become stronger.
The Grandparents Group lay on events and outings of the children and we all go too because we’re just big kids ourselves ... I feel like we are all one big family helping each other.”
I know that Grandparents Parenting Again and Kinship Carers Midlothian want social workers and trainee social workers to read these stories and to remember that, as the first story illustrates, the jargon that is put in front of the grandparents is bewildering, to be aware of the time that the process takes and to bear in mind grandparents’ concern that, in spite of having looked after the children for years, they might be taken away from them.
This book is essential reading. I recommend it to parliamentarians and to anyone who is involved with kinship carers through the various agencies.
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